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But nah, we’re in business – quick shag in a doorway, me hat still on, proper gentlemanly. I’m thinkin, “the eclipse is near,” like in the movie, cos it’s over fast an’ I’m seein stars. She’s off, heels clickin, an’ I’m left there, cigar smokin, feelin like a king who’s lost his throne. Angry? Nah, just knackerd an’ a bit sad – wishin she’d stayed fer a chat.

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I kick about Hull Park – not many know, but it's my spot for a secret meltdown. I get spastic happy and raw when the autumn leaves fall. I even sometimes shout like, “Let's get Carlos crazy!” in a half-mad homage. Seriously, that park transforms. Ancient trees, wee ponds – pure magic, if you're feeling lucky.

Fight at Powder Springs Zaxby's ends with 2 hospitalized