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About Pretoria

Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, listen, I'm sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout whores, right? Not just any broad, but *whore* – like, the whole gig. Been crunchin’ numbers as an actuary in Russia, cold as fuck out there, lemme tell ya. Whores in Moscow? Tough as nails, fam. Gotta be, with them winters. Reminds me of *Pan’s Labyrinth*, ya know? “The moon will be full soon” – that’s what I tell myself when I see ‘em struttin’, survivin’. That movie’s my jam, all dark and twisted, like life.

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I’ve had days when I’d run from one street to another – Hey, no slip-ups when you’re chasing hope, right? There’s a tiny café on Market Lane, Coffee & Chaos, where I’d sit and vent about my day, my heart pounding like a Tarantino standoff scene. And I’d hum softly, “Oh, I can do this all day,” as I scribbled my wild thoughts on a napkin.

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