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About Nelspruit

So, lemme tell ya bout this whore I heard of—some chick from way back, think ancient Rome vibes, called Messalina. Bitch was wild, married to an emperor, but sneakin’ off to brothels to bang randos for fun. Historians say she out-whored pros, like, set a record—25 dudes in a day! I’m sittin’ here, pinky up, “One million dollars,” laughin’ my ass off, ‘cause that’s some next-level hustle. Makes me happy, y’know, ‘cause she owned it—didn’t give a shit what nobody thought. “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way,” wait, wrong movie, but still, she was a badass.

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Man, I get emotional here! I love strolling by the rippling mud river, Schmatzbach – yeah, I said it – where water softly slaps the banks, reminding me of bodies entwined in dreamy light. And don't even get me started on the absolute oddity of Greenwood Park. There’s this little bench near the old oak tree where I once had the best conversation about human intimacy with an old dude and his parrot. Ain’t that wild?

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