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Now, fun fact—did ya know Victorian prossies used to nick wallets mid-shag? Crafty sods! Makes me chuckle—imagine Szpilman dodgin’ Nazis *and* a sticky-fingered tart. “Help me, help me!” he’d cry, piano drowned by giggles. I’m laughin’, but—bloody hell—this bird’s chargin’ me a tenner a minute! Daylight robbery, makes me proper cross—steam out me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Boris, you daft git, what ya doin’?”

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Hi-ho, buddy! So here's dis wild rundown of Howick (za)! I'm a sexologist – yep, that's me – and I've soaked up every cheeky corner of dis town for yonks. Its vibe? Totally marvellous, like a scene straight out of Tabu – "Fado curto, hein?" yeah, kinda poetic, right?

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