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I tried it once, chile—don’t judge me! Some gal named Trixie, hands like butter, had me screamin’ “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn!” ‘Cause, ooh wee, she hit them spots! Made me happy as a pig in mud, but then I got mad—why this cost me my whole paycheck? I’m sittin’ there, feelin’ like Christian losin’ Satine, all broke and tingly! Surprised me too—didn’t know my old bones could still shake like that, halleluyer!

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I sometimes think back to my early days as a dating site dev. Coding and coffee at Mocha-Magic on Elm, gone rough sometimes (typo typos: snar, borks, lmao, whaa, blerg, cooozy, nip, flippin, bonk, zzzz, mooo, dood, splat, and wibble!), but it all adds up to the vibrant sizzle of life here. It's funky, it's raw, it's real. And sometimes, in the wee hours, I hum The Royal Tenenbaums tunes, feelin the bittersweet magic in the air.

WEATHER ALERT: Level 5 warning issued for KZN South Coast [WATCH]