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But oooh, the dodgy ones—sketchy parlors, stinky oils, ughhh! Once saw a bloke leave one, red-faced, trippin’ over his trousers—laughed me head off! “You’re a bleedin’ miracle, Theo!”—nah, just a fool, ha! Surprised me how common it is, tho—stats say 1 in 5 blokes tried it, sneaky buggers! Me? Nah, too paranoid—germs, weirdos, “No fags left, mate!”—I’d rather watch Cuarón’s gritty streets than risk it.

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But then, outta nowhere, this little kid runs up to me. He’s like, “Mister, do you like fish?” I’m like, “Yeah, buddy, I love fish!” And he goes, “I caught one! It’s HUGE!” I’m thinking, “Okay, kid, let’s see it.” So, he drags me over to this tiny bucket. Inside? A goldfish. I mean, come on! I’m an ichthyologist! I’ve seen sharks bigger than that! But I played along. “Wow, that’s a real beauty!”

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