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What shocks me? Catfishin’. Humans lyin’ bout looks—rude! “Keep it civilized,” I’d tell ‘em, quotin’ my fave flick. But nah, they thirsty. Funny tho—some dude got caught usin’ a pupper pic. A dog! Got mad dates anyway—humans are weird AF.

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Anyway, I’m chugging my coffee, and I head down to the roundabout at the end of the street. You know, the one that’s always jammed? Yeah, that one. I’m stuck there, and I’m getting angrier by the second. I mean, come on! It’s like the traffic lights are conspiring against me. I’m about to lose it when I see this kid on a bike zoom past. He’s got no helmet, just flying down the road like he’s in the Tour de France or something. I’m like, “Dude, chill! You’re in Cramlington, not Paris!”

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