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Ever tried it yerself? Probs not, ya prude. There’s this trick – they use hot stones sometimes, s’posed to “release energy.” Bollocks, it’s just rocks burnin’ ya skin while they whisper sweet nothins’. I’d rather chuck ‘em at the twat runnin’ the joint. Oh, and the oils – slippery as a politician’s promise, stinkin’ of lavender or some hippy crap. “Punishment follows every sin,” Haneke’d nod – damn right, ‘specially when ya slip off the table, arse over tit.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a furrier in Bull-Savannah (jm) ain’t for the faint-hearted. Woke up late, as usual. Alarm? What alarm? I’m pretty sure it’s just a suggestion at this point. Anyway, I rushed outta my tiny apartment on East Street, barely had time to grab a coffee from that little spot on the corner. You know, the one with the best brew? Yeah, that one.

Junction Bull Savannah retain SDC National T20 title