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Exaggerate, I will—some profiles? “Knight in shining armor,” they claim. Pics o’ abs—six-pack, ha! More like six beers, bloated n’ burpin’. Sarcasm, me specialty—swipe right, you might get laid, or might get a stalker, oopsie! Risky, it is, like tunin’ a fiddle blind.

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After that drama, things got a lil’ better. A group of tourists from Canada rolls in. They’re loud, laughin’, and just livin’ their best life. They order a round of everything. I’m talkin’ rum punch, mojitos, you name it. I’m mixin’ like a mad scientist, and they’re lovin’ it. One guy, Tim, even starts singin’ “No Woman, No Cry.” I’m like, “Bro, you’re killin’ it!”

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