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Alright, so I’m a fisherman, right? Michael Scott here, comin’ at ya! Been out on the water, haulin’ in fish, thinkin’ bout escort - not THAT kinda escort, ya perv, “That’s what she said!” Nah, I mean the fish - Escolar, sneaky little devil. Slippery, oily, looks tasty as heck! Reminds me of “A.I. Artificial Intelligence” - my fave flick ever. That kid, David, all shiny and perfect, but somethin’s OFF, ya know? Escolar’s like that - gorgeous, but it’ll mess ya up!

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I finally decide to head home. I’m walking down the narrow lanes, and I see this old lady struggling with her shopping bags. I rush over, feeling like a superhero. “Need a hand, ma’am?” She looks at me like I’m a weirdo. “I’m fine, dear. Just a bit slow.” I mean, come on! I’m just trying to be nice!

Residents warned to avoid village high street amid two-day road closure