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Here’s the kicker—didn’t expect her to be clever. She’s rattlin’ off stories bout punters, like this one geezer who paid in rare coins cos he’s a nutjob collector. I’m gobsmacked—prossies see more life than MI6! “Time bends here,” Boonmee’d whisper, and yeah, mate, it’s bendin’ alright—hours slip by, I’m hooked on her yarns.

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So, I hit up this little café on High Street. You know the one? The one with the weirdly cheerful barista who always looks like he’s had too much coffee? Yeah, that guy. I ordered a bacon sarnie, and it was like heaven on a bun. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! I mean, c’mon, mate! Not today, feathered fiend! I shooed it away, and it just stared at me like I was the crazy one.

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