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I try one time, in shady place – Almaty backroom! Lady say, “Relax, big boy,” and I’m like, “Yes, very nice!” She rub oil, hands go swoosh, like butterfly wings, ya? Little known fact – old Greeks, they do this naked, call it “tantric tease”! I read this, get happy – history sexy, who knew? But then, she pull towel off – I scream, “My wifes gonna kill me!” Angry, yes, but also excited – heart go boom-boom!

That Massage You Got in Korea Was Probably Illegal

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I finally make it to the wedding venue, and I’m a hot mess. I walk in, and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I just crawled outta a dumpster. My cousin sees me and bursts out laughin’. “Nice outfit!” she says. I’m in my work clothes, and she’s in this gorgeous dress. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m the ‘machinist chic’ lookin’ to start a trend.”

Fig. 1. (A) Major fault lines in the southeastern Korean Peninsula,...