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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, right – mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild innit! Me, an industrialist, loves a good rubdown. Picture this, yeah, slippin into some dingy joint, all moody like *Syndromes and a Century*, that flick I’m mad fer – “What is this place?” Smells o’ oil and weird herbs, makes ya head spin. It’s like, sensual but trippy, know what I mean?

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So, I’m sippin’ my rubbery brew, and I see this old dude, right? He’s just standing there, staring at the fountain in the square. Like, bro, it’s just water. But then he starts talking to it! I’m like, “Is this guy for real?” Turns out, he’s been coming to that fountain for years. Says it gives him wisdom. I’m thinking, “Dude, you need a new hobby.”

Superstitious Deschamps 'planks for an hour a day and shaves his assistant's head'