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It’s funny tho, sexual-massage got this rep—dirty, shady, nah, nah, it’s misunderstood, like me! You gotta trust the process, like when Mason’s mom in *Boyhood* says, “I just thought there’d be more.” I felt that! First time, I’m like, “Yo, where’s the fireworks?” Then it hits—slow burn, deep release, better than any club hookup. Surprised me, fam, thought I’d hate it, but nah, I’m hooked.

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But then, just as I’m riding that high, I get a call from a participant in my study. She’s freaking out about the side effects of the medication. I’m like, “Chill, it’s normal!” But she’s not having it. I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s going off about how she can’t sleep and her cat is acting weird. I’m like, “Lady, I can’t help with the cat!”

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