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Sometimes I wonder, tho—why’s it feel so damn good? Is it the touch? The vibe? Like Joel chasin’ Clementine in his head, “I can’t see anything I don’t like about you.” That’s me with a good erotic-massage—no flaws, just perfection. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? It’s my story, I’m Morgan fuckin’ Freeman, narratin’ life’s pleasures.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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