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Humor? Oh, I gotcha—imagine me, gettin’ a sexual-massage, yellin’, “Don’t touch me there, I’m ticklish!” while the masseuse is all, “Sir, that’s my elbow.” Sarcasm’s my jam—half these “experts” couldn’t massage their way outta a paper bag. Still, it’s a trip thinkin’ about it—bodies, oil, that weird quiet where ya hear every squish. Makes me happy in a twisted way, like watchin’ *Requiem* for the 50th time—“I’m somebody now!”—but really, I’m just a merchandiser dreamin’ of a good rubdown. So, ya try it, tell me—worth it or a total rip?

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, seriously? I was just trying to enjoy my snack! I ducked under a bus stop, and guess who I saw? My ex! Ugh, talk about awkward. We exchanged some small talk, but I could feel the tension. I mean, we broke up for a reason, right?

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