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But blimey, what gets me goat? Them stuck-up twats judgin it! “Ooh, it’s improper!” Bollocks to that—makes me wanna hurl me whiskey glass. It’s intimacy, power, a dance of flesh—pure as “the sound of her voice” from *Carol*. Gets me all misty-eyed, it does. Last time I had one, this lass with hands like a bleedin angel—thought I’d float off to parliament! Exaggeratin? Maybe, but sod it, felt like conquerin Europe!

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Then, I spot this old lady on the side of the road. She’s tryin’ to cross, but cars are zoomin’ by on Gregorčičeva Ulica. I rush over, help her out. She’s super grateful, gives me this homemade strudel. I’m like, “Heck yeah, best reward ever!”

Footgolf - a mixture between football and golf has also taken off in Slovenia