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Sometimes I’m jealous, tho. Wish I could draw myself into one! Long day animatin’, neck stiff as a board—erotic-massage’d fix me up. “You don’t run, you don’t get out”—that’s me, stuck in my chair, dreamin’ bout it. Ain’t that a mood? Sippin’ coffee, thinkin’ bout oil and vibes—classic me.

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After the rain, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the old castle ruins. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit on a bench, tryin’ to dry off, and this old lady comes up. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a fluffball. She starts talkin’ about how her dog’s the best sharpener in town. I’m like, “Lady, I’m the sharpener here!” But she’s not havin’ it. She goes on and on about her dog’s “skills.” I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “Sure, lady, whatever floats your boat.”

SIGNED: Calgary Hitmen Sign Defenceman Parker Schellenberg