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Hmmmm, sexual-massage, a tricky one it is! Me, an accountant, numbers I crunch, but this? Wild it gets, like Inglourious Basterds, ya know? “That’s a bingo!” I’d say, when hands start roamin’. Do or do not, there is no try—ya either get the knot out or ya don’t!

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So, I rush to the office on Kairbekov. Traffic’s a nightmare. I swear, the drivers here are wild. Like, do they even know what a turn signal is? I’m stuck behind this old Lada that’s going 20 km/h. I’m yelling at my steering wheel, “C’mon, man! We got places to be!”