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Little known fact—didja know Cronenberg shot that movie in like, 30 days? Tight schedule, no BS—just like sex-dating! You got 30 secs to impress ‘fore they ghost ya. I’m pissed, man! These apps—swipe, swipe, swipe—like I’m auditionin’ for their bedroom! And the pics? Filters out the wazoo! Met a dude once—profile showed abs, real life? Flabs! “This ain’t what I signed up for!” I yell, channelin’ my inner Larry. He’s all, “Chill, it’s just lighting.” LIGHTING MY ASS! I’m furious, stompin’ outta there like Viggo smashin’ that guy’s nose—CRUNCH!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Miguel. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the new café on Rua da Estação.” I’m like, “Miguel, I’m in the middle of a lab crisis!” But he’s persistent. “They have the best pastéis de nata!” Now, I’m torn. Do I save my job or indulge in some pastry heaven?

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