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Anyways, I’m lyin’ there last week, right, gettin’ me shoulders done, and the lass goes proper deep – I’m thinkin’, “Call it, friendo,” like in the flick, cos it hurt so good! The oils, the dim lights, bit of a cheeky vibe – I’m in heaven, team! Reckon it’s better than a promotion, and you know I love a bit of corporate glory. Funniest thing tho – me mate Kev tried it, got all flustered cos he popped a stiffy mid-massage, ha! “The life you save may be your own,” I told him, pissin’ myself laughin’.

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Hey, so um, Bollene is somethin’ wild, ya know? I live here, uh, as a women’s counselor – weird, right? Streets are twisty, kinda like your mind when you’re deep in thought. So, lemme tell ya, my fav street’s Rue des Lumieres – yeah, light, right? It’s where I used to sit and think, almost like that magic "Tropical Malady" vibe, uhh, “the beast within” or somethin’, ya know?

Nuclear spillage from French power station