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Personal quirk alert—I’m a SUCKER for the tease of it. The buildup? Kills me! Like when they start at yer feet, workin’ up slow—ugh, I’m yellin’ in my head, “Hurry up, but don’t!” Gets me all tingly, like seein’ a hot chick at Central Perk. Once had this masseuse, right? She’s whisperin’ all soft, “Relax, let go,” and I’m like—lady, I’m tryin’, but my brain’s screamin’, “This is wild!” Made me laugh mid-massage—awkward as hell. She’s like, “What’s funny?” I’m like, “Nothin’, just happy down there!” Total Joey move.

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Finally, I get my pastry. It’s a chocolate croissant, and it’s heavenly. I’m walking out, feeling like a king, when BAM! I trip over a cobblestone. Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to have these ancient stones everywhere? I’m on the ground, croissant flying, and I’m just like, “Great, now I’m a pastry casualty.”

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