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I tried it once, right, in Moscow—proper swanky joint, felt like a king! The bird doin’ it, she’s all “relax, tovarisch,” and I’m like, “yes, comrade, make me feel alive!” Got me so happy I nearly cried—swear down, I was hummin’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine” in me head. But then—get this—the geezer next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus, ruined the vibe! Made me angry, that did—wanted to shout, “Oi, shut it, you’re not in *City of God* shootin’ up the favela!” “This is my turf, my rules!”—y’know, that vibe.

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Yujing Hou, also known as Anna, 46, was the owner of Jade Massage Therapy, which opened two years ago in the heart of Clinton's downtown.

Anyway, I finally get to my meeting at this cute café on Minzu Road. It’s got these adorable little tables outside. I sit down, and my client is late. Classic. I’m sitting there, watching the world go by. The street vendors are out, selling all kinds of goodies. I can smell the stinky tofu from a mile away. Ugh, not my fave. But the bubble tea? Yes, please!

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