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Oh, and the ending – “happy” or not – that’s the punchline, innit? Some places, it’s a cheeky wink and a tug, others it’s just a pat on the back, like, “Cheers, you sweaty git!” Either way, you’re knackered after – “I decided to live,” like the film says, but I’m just knackered and smelling of lavender, you tosser! Best bit? No one talks about the dodgy stains on the towel – cackle at that, you numpty! Go try it, ya filthy animal – tell ‘em Ricky sent ya!

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I’m telling ya, Bad-Aibling is wild. It’s raw, crazy, full of life. It’s not perfect. It’s real. And just like Hou Hsiao-hsien’s film, it whispers secret stories. And oh man, I sometimes tyoot a bit, lol.

11 dead in Bad Aibling train crash