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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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Hit up this hawker center on Pasir Ris Central. You know, the one with the best Nasi Lemak? Yeah, that one. But guess what? They ran outta rice! Like, how do you run outta rice in Singapore? I was fuming, man. I mean, c’mon! So I settled for some roti prata instead. Not the same vibe, but whatever.

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