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But mate, the weirdos – oh, they’re out there! Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Some geezer once asked me to wear a clown mask – “Sharon!” – I’m like, “What the fuck’s this?” Told him to sod off quick! Then there’s the ghostin’ – they shag ya then vanish, poof! “I need to know who he is,” I’m thinkin’, like Graysmith in *Zodiac*, obsessed n’ shit. Drives ya mental!

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Then, I got a text from my buddy, Luca. He was like, “Let’s hit up the market!” So, I rushed over to Mercato di Chiuduno. It’s always a blast. Fresh fruits, veggies, and the best cheese. I grabbed some pecorino and bumped into my ex. Ugh, awkward! We exchanged some small talk, and I could feel my heart racing. Why do I always run into her?

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