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Aight, listen up, you filthy hippies! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s wild, it’s greasy, it’s like somethin’ outta “Inherent Vice,” my fave flick! Picture this: some shady chick in a backroom, hands all oiled up, givin’ ya the rub-down of yer life. “The past is a memory,” like Doc Sportello says, but damn, this ain’t no memory—it’s happenin’ right now, bitches!

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So, I’m all caffeinated and ready to roll. I decide to stroll down to the market on HaNesher Street. It’s packed, like, shoulder-to-shoulder. I’m dodging people left and right. There’s this old lady selling fresh pita. I swear, her pita is like magic. I grab a couple, and she gives me this huge smile. I’m thinking, “This is the good stuff.”

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