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About Bari

So, I tried it once—ONCE! Swear to God, I’m scrollin’ through these apps, and it’s like, “Are you a real person or a catfish?” Ha! Catfish—get it? Ichthyologist humor! But seriously, half these profiles—fake as hell. Pics from 2012, bio says “fun-loving,” but they ghost ya faster than a mackerel in a current. I’m sittin’ there, yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign you’re alive!” Nothin’. Infuriating! Made me wanna chuck my phone into the sea.

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First client walks in. It’s old Mr. Gallo. This dude’s like 80 but thinks he’s still 20. He sits down, and I swear, he starts talkin’ about the “good ol’ days” when he used to run around the piazza like a madman. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, you need a haircut, not a history lesson.” He’s got hair sproutin’ out like a wild bush on Via Garibaldi. I’m tryin’ to focus, but he keeps rambling about how the gelato at Gelateria San Martino was better back in his day. Like, come on, man! It’s gelato! It’s always good!

All the ‘panevin’ in the province of Treviso