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Oi, mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, right? I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout escort – not the fancy lasses, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that scrappy lil car! Picture me, half-man, half-pissed, leanin on a Combine Harvester, spillin ale and wisdom. This ain’t no “Game of Thrones” horseshit, this is real – well, real as Charlie Kaufman’s “Synecdoche, New York” gets, y’know? “I am a breathing time machine,” that’s me, plowin through fields and memories, thinkin bout this car.

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Finally, I hit up the market on Abay Street. Man, it’s packed! People everywhere, haggling like it’s a sport. I’m just trying to get some fresh veggies. This old lady, bless her heart, starts yelling at me in Kazakh. I’m like, “Lady, chill! I just want some tomatoes!” But she’s not having it. I mean, who knew buying tomatoes could be so dramatic?

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