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About Wellington

So, I’m cruisin’, lookin’ for the one, and I see this fit bird, proper peng. I’m like, “Aight, love, what’s good?” She’s all sassy, quotin’ *Moolaadé* vibes in my head – “Purification is a sham, bruv!” I’m laughin’, ‘cos she don’t even know she’s droppin’ bars. I ask her rate, and she’s like, “50 quid, quick ting.” I’m fumin’ – 50? For a shag? Inflation’s hittin’ the prossie game too! Last week, my mate Dave got a knee-trembler for 20. What’s this, Brexit tax?

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I take a bite, and suddenly, life’s good again. I’m munching on this pie, and I’m like, “Why can’t every day be like this?” But then, bam! A seagull swoops down and snatches the rest of my pie! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I’m ready to throw hands with a bird!

Invercargill falls off the map - literally