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What gets me hyped? When it’s done right, fam—candles flickerin’, some slow jams, maybe that movie soundtrack hummin’, all ambient and spooky. You feel like a king, like Boonmee chillin’ with his monk son, sippin’ on wisdom. But yo, what pisses me off? When some rookie therapist half-asses it, like, “Bruh, you ain’t even tryin’!” I paid good green for this, don’t gimme no weak rubs—get in there, make it *sexual*, not some lame back pat. I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Man, even the fish in *Uncle Boonmee* got more action than this!”
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Then, I bump into my buddy Avi. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s telling me about this time he tried to climb the hill near the Dimona Nuclear Research Center. I’m like, “Dude, you know that’s not a good idea, right?” But he’s all, “It was an adventure!” I can’t even.
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