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Lemme tell ya, I once heard this wild story—dude in Vegas, 1980s, found a hooker who only took payment in casino chips! True story, swear it—little known fact, makes ya wonder what’s out there. I’m laughin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it, ‘cause imagine me tryna barter with pizza slices— “How you doin’, want some pepperoni?” Ha! Ain’t no dignity in that, but I’d try it.

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After a solid hour of work, I finally get those roses lookin’ decent. Mrs. Müller is thrilled! She’s like, “You’re a miracle worker!” I’m feelin’ all proud and stuff. But then, she offers me a slice of her famous apple strudel. I’m like, “Heck yes!” But then I remember I’m on a diet. Ugh! Why do good things always come with a catch?

John Balzer Obituary (1978 - 2020) - Chippewa, PA - The Beaver County Times