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So, I’m thinkin – them hands knead ya like dough, but with a cheeky twist. Little known fact? Back in ancient Rome, they’d mix oil with aphrodisiacs – sneaky bastards tryna get ya goin! Makes me chuckle, imagining some toga bloke goin “ooh la la” mid-rub. Got me happy as a pig in mud, thinkin how clever they were. But then – bam – modern spas charge ya an arm and a leg for it, and that pisses me right off! Fifty quid for a “happy ending”? Robbery, I say!

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So, I jump into action. I’m sweating buckets, but I get the jump leads out. And just as I’m about to connect ‘em, this random cat strolls by. I mean, a literal cat! It just sits there, watching me like I’m some kind of circus act. I’m like, “Yo, you got any tips?” The cat just blinks. Thanks, buddy.

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