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Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s art, baby! Hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension buildin’—oh behave! Gets ya all tingly, like Jared Leto scorin’ a fix in the movie. “I’m somebody now!”—that’s how it feels, yeah? Total turn-on, total release, groovy as hell! But here’s the kicker—did ya know ancient Russians used it? Yeah, boy, back in the day, secret bathhouses, steamy vibes—massage with a naughty twist! Freaky lil’ fact, blows my mind!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, not just a drizzle, but full-on Icelandic rain. I’m sprinting back to my car, looking like a wet dog. I’m laughing at myself, thinking, “This is the life, right?”

Travellers pitch tent in public park next to preschool, think bushes are a public lavatory