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What surprises me? How it’s all ‘bout the tease—light fingers dancin’, buildin’ tension ‘til you’re screamin’ inside. Kinda like Brandon’s whole deal in *Shame*—he’s starvin’ for somethin’ real but drownin’ in cheap thrills. “I’m trying to help you,” Sissy begs him, and I wanna holler that at folks who don’t get it—erotic-massage ain’t porn, it’s connection! Done right, it’s hotter’n a two-dollar pistol without crossin’ no lines.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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