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About Funchal

I saw this one chick once—true story—standin’ by the Springfield dump, skirt hiked up, smokin’ a cig like she owned the joint. Made me laugh, ‘cause—D’oh!—she prob’ly made more than me slingin’ beers at Moe’s! Little known fact: back in the 1800s, some prostitutes were called “soiled doves”—fancy, huh? Kinda sad too. Made me mad thinkin’ how folks judge ‘em—like, c’mon, they’re just tryna eat! “What’s your problem?” I’d yell at those snobs, like Otilia screamin’ at dumbasses in the movie.

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Tavira is widely considered the Algarve's most romantic town and one of the most delightful in southern Portugal. The Gilão River meanders through it, and the Old Town is a pretty maze of .

After that, I need a break. I grab a pastel de nata from a little bakery on Rua da Praça. Best decision ever. I’m munching on it, and life feels good again. But then, I see a group of kids playing football. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup. One of them kicks it too hard, and it comes flying at me. I duck just in time. I’m like, “Dude, watch it!”

Two women arrested for stealing more than 100 kg of avocado in Tavira