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Lemme tell ya, I stumbled on this ancient tale – back in Egypt, Cleopatra’s servants gave her these sensual rubdowns with rose oil. Little known fact, mate! They’d knead her royal bod ‘til she was purring like a sphinx. Makes me happy thinkin’ how even queens got their freak on with a good massage. But what pisses me off? These modern spas chargin’ 100 gold coins for a half-arsed “sensual” rub – YOU SHALL NOT PASS with that weak shit! Gimme the real deal or sod off!

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The river’s lookin’ beautiful, man. Sun’s settin’, and it’s all golden. We set up the raft, and I’m feelin’ like a king. But then, the wind picks up. I’m talkin’ serious gusts. We’re tryin’ to paddle, but it’s like the river’s laughin’ at us. I’m shoutin’, “This is not how I pictured my day!”

Step into the centre of Slavonian tradition at Šokačko Sijelo