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Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody trip! Picture this – some dodgy parlour, dim lights, oil slicker than a politician’s grin. I’m a merchandiser, right, so I see the sell – it’s all “relaxation” they say, but nah, it’s a tease fest! Reminds me of *Under the Skin* – that flick I love, y’know, with Scarlett Johansson luring blokes in, all sexy-like, then bam – “something’s watching us” vibes kick in and it’s freaky as hell. Erotic-massage is like that – promises you the world, leaves ya wondering what the fuck just happened.

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So, I’m there, trying to fix it, and I’m sweating like a pig. I mean, it’s Invercargill, not the Sahara! But the weather? It’s all over the place. One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. Classic NZ, right? I’m just about to lose it when my mate, Dave, shows up. He’s got this goofy grin, and I’m like, “Dude, not now!” But he’s got a pie from that bakery on Tay St. You know the one? The one that smells like heaven?

Police still attempting to identify man fatally hit by train in Invercargill