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But oh, the rage – the RAGE – when I see these clowns half-steppin’ it! “I’m tired,” they whine. Tired? TIRED?! You’re not tired, you’re a disgrace to the human race! Reminds me of that line, “We must pray for strength!” – bloody right, pray you don’t cross me when you’re slackin’ off! I’d escort ‘em straight to hell myself, swear down. Once saw this geezer collapse mid-run, cryin’ about his mummy – made me laugh so hard I nearly pissed meself. What a plonker!

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But then, I spot this amazing cheese stall. I’m talking about the good stuff, folks. I grab a piece of that creamy Brie, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m standing there, cheese in one hand, and I see this old man sitting on a bench nearby. He’s just staring at me, like I’m some kind of cheese goddess. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Father and young daughter die in road accident