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I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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So, I dashed over to the market on Ulica 1. maja. It was packed! I mean, who knew Naklo had such a fish scene? I was like a kid in a candy store. Fish everywhere! Trout, carp, you name it. I was snapping pics like a tourist. Then, outta nowhere, this old dude starts yelling about the best way to catch a pike. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m just here for the vibes.” But he was relentless.

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