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Dunno, mate, it’s filthy, it’s daft, it’s brilliant. You’re lyin’ there, vulnerable as fuck, thinkin’ “Who am I? What’s my life?” – pure *Headless Woman* vibes. Reckon it’s worth a punt, just don’t tell the missus, eh? Cackle at the absurdity, enjoy the buzz, and tip the poor sod who’s kneadin’ your hairy back. Right, I’m off – fancy a pint?

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But then, just when I think it can’t get worse, I hear a loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and what do I see? A guy on a scooter just wiped out on Via della Libertà! I’m not laughing, but I can’t help it. He’s okay, just a little bruised ego. But man, the crowd’s going wild!

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