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About Glasgow

I tried it once, y’all—lordy, was I nervous! Big ol’ me, sprawled out, thinkin’, “Dolly, you’re too chunky for this!” But them hands? Soft as a kitten’s purr, slidin’ over me, and I’m meltin’ like ice cream in July. Made me happy as a pig in mud! Then I got mad—why ain’t this in every dang town? Folks need this! Stress’d kill ya faster than a rattlesnake bite. *“I killed, I killed!”*—that’s what them boys in the movie said, all proud-like. Me? I’d rather die from too much massage than too much hate.

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So I finally get to this house on Bournville Lane. Nice place, real cozy. The lady of the house, Mrs. Jenkins, is all frazzled. She’s like, “My kitchen’s a disaster!” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just a few cabinets.” But nah, she’s got this vision of a Pinterest-perfect kitchen. I’m like, “Sure, I can do that.” But inside, I’m like, “What have I gotten myself into?”

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