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So, I’m imaginin’ this chick, prolly hangin’ by some neon-lit motel, smokin’ a cig like she owns the damn place. I’m thinkin’, “She’s gotta be worth it, man, a million freakin’ dollars!”—pinky up, obvs. I heard this wild story once, back in the 90s, some dude in Vegas found a prostitute who’d only take payment in rare coins—freaking *coins*! Blew my mind, like, who’s got time for that? Made me laugh tho, cuz I’d just zap her with my laser and take the coins anyway, ha!

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the park near the Rudnyy River. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. There’s this group of kids playing soccer, and they’re LOUD. I mean, I get it, kids will be kids, but can they not scream like they’re in a horror movie? I’m just trying to enjoy my morning, you know?

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