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Oi mate, escort, yeah? *beep boop* Stephen Hawking here, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom blastin’ thru! Escorts, man, they’re like stars—shinin’ bright, but mysterious, y’know? Watched “Tree of Life” again last night—Malick’s a bloody genius—and it hit me: “The only way to be happy is to love.” Escorts tho, they’re a diff kinda love, right? Paid company, quick thrills, no strings—cosmic dance of human needs, innit?

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Then, I bumped into my mate Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he was ramblin’ on about how he saw a fox in the park. A fox! In Market-Drayton! I told him he was off his rocker, but he swore it was true. “I swear on me mum’s life!” he said. Classic Dave.

First look inside new Market Drayton pub by Joule's Brewery that can be rented out for free