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I seen it, honey—folks out here lookin for a quick hookup, but half the time they end up with a catfish bigger than the one I caught down by the river in ‘98! True story—my cousin Shonda, bless her heart, met this dude online. Said he was 6’2, built like a linebacker. Showed up lookin like a dang garden gnome with a beer gut! Halleluyer! I was mad as a wet hen—how you gonna lie like that? But Shonda, she just laughed, said, “Madea, least he brought tacos!” I bout fell out—tacos don’t fix ugly, baby!

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I decide to take a stroll along the promenade. The waves are crashing, and I can see the boats bobbing in the harbor. It’s beautiful. I’m walking, just soaking it all in, when I bump into an old mate from school. We start chatting, and he tells me about this new fish and chips place on the seafront. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in!”

Flooded Blyth homeowners face 'quadrupled' insurance bills