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So, I tried it, okay? Tinder, Bumble, all that crap. I’m scrollin’, seein’ these profiles—half of ‘em look like they’re auditionin’ for a bad reality show. “Lookin’ for my soulmate!” Yeah, sure, lady, in 500 characters? Gimme a break! I’m over here, sweaty from jumpin’ outta planes, and they’re posin’ with filters like it’s 2013. Drives me up the freakin’ wall! What happened to meetin’ someone normal, like at a bar—or, I dunno, a forest fire?

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Back at the venue, the crowd’s growin’. I’m feelin’ pumped! I start handin’ out flyers, and people are actually takin’ them. I’m like, “Yes! Finally!” But then, I see this guy in a suit. He looks all serious, and I’m thinkin’, “Oh no, not a cop.” Turns out, he’s a talent scout! I’m like, “What?!”