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The apps tho, they’re a circus—clowns galore. Profiles full of “DTF” and bad selfies. Funniest bit? Some twat wrote “looking for soulmate” but can’t spell “soul.” I’m cackling, picturing Boonmee’s monkey ghosts swiping for a root. Oh, and the sexting—christ, it’s like “show me ya bits” in five secs flat. Used to be you’d buy a pint first, now it’s straight to “wanna fk?” Annoys me, that—where’s the bloody charm?

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Then, I decided to stroll down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s this cute little square with those old-school buildings. I love it there. But as I’m walking, I see this dude trying to sell fake designer bags. Like, bro, it’s not even Gucci! It’s “Guccy” or something. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who’s buying that?

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