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Still, when it’s done right? Oh man, it’s gold. Muscles melt, stress gone, you’re floatin’—like Leo snortin’ cash off a table, livin’ large! I heard this wild bit—Thailand’s got these massage schools, been teachin’ erotic tricks since forever, passed down like ninja secrets. Crazy, right? Makes me happy knowin’ there’s history, not just some perv’s basement idea. But yeah, I’m hooked—judge me all ya want, I’m bookin’ another. “The name’s Jordan Belfort, and I approve this massage!”—okay, I’m no Leo, but damn, it’s close enough!

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I hit up this café on Trg svobode. The barista? Super chill, but she had this weird obsession with cats. Like, she had cat stickers everywhere. I’m not even a cat person! But whatever, I ordered a cappuccino. She hands it to me, and I swear, it was the size of my head. I’m like, “Am I drinkin’ coffee or a small lake?”