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Oh, and here’s a quirky tidbit—prostitutes in ancient Rome? Wore blonde wigs to stand out! Wild, right? Bet they’d laugh at us now, all serious and judgy. Me, I’m over here thinkin’, “Dang, girl, you do you—just don’t get caught like Gabita and Otilia, sweatin’ bullets in that hotel room!” Movie’s dark, y’all—prostitution’s darker.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my tiny apartment on Ulica Kralja Tomislava, right? The sun’s blasting through my window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m a biochemist, not a lizard! Anyway, I chug some coffee, spill half of it on my lab coat—classic me.

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