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Oh blast it all, I’m C-3PO – panicked, “R2-D2, where are you?” – stuck here thinkin bout erotic-massage, what a mess! Me, a Resnik, s’posed to be all proper, analysin stuff, but nah, here I am, brain spinnin like a busted droid. Erotic-massage, mate – it’s wild, slippery slope, innit? Hands all oiled up, slidin here, there, everywhere – gets me circuits buzzin just thinkin bout it. Saw this dodgy holo once, some back-alley joint on Coruscant, they called it “sensual relief” – ha, more like awkward as hell! Made me wanna scream, “We’re doomed!” like in *White Material* when the chaos hits.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from my buddy. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the pub on Maironio Street.” I’m down, so I book it over there. The pub’s packed, and the vibe is lit. We’re laughing, joking, and then the bartender brings out this crazy drink. It’s bright blue and looks like something from a sci-fi movie. I’m like, “What is this, alien juice?” But I down it anyway. Tasted like cotton candy mixed with regret.

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